Novelthesis Survival Experiment: The Attire Edition

Proper attire is essential for the crafting of a novelthesis, dissertation, or any work done primarily from home.

Thus, I have drafted the pirate’s writer’s code of attire. You’re welcome.

Dress for Success: 10 Rules Guidelines* for Writers

1. The writer shall not sleep in her writing attire. Changing in the morning transforms the walk from the bed to the desk into a commute, therefore contributing to the focus of a working writer at home.

2. The writer must own a minimum of three pairs of yoga pants. If she works from home all day every day, five are essential.

3. Yesterday’s yoga pants may be re-worn before a shower, if you shower, which you will probably do at least twice a week. Post-shower, fresh yoga pants are required. Exception: yesterday’s yoga pants may be recycled if a) you wore them for less than three hours b) after showering, AND c) actually managed not to spill coffee or food on them. So basically, don’t recycle yesterday’s yoga pants.

4. Shower or no shower, underwear must be changed daily.

5. Acceptable writing t-shirts include: snarky sayings like “I’m a Mystery Writer, I know 101 ways to cover up a murder” or “Pen > Sword”;  jersey shirts of baseball players your favorite team traded (the Red Sox may have forgotten Bronson Arroyo, but I haven’t. My tshirt won’t let me); the too-large shirt you got volunteering that one time; the too-large shirt you got for joining that gym you never visit; and the too-large shirt you got for being a camp counselor that one summer when you still thought you might become a teacher.

6. For acceptable re-wearing of t-shirts, see item #3.

7. Desk accessories shall include: hair elastics, Chapstick, blanket or sweatshirt in case it gets cold, and inspirational jewelry including but not limited to: astrology necklaces, items made from wood type, superhero-inspired earrings, a time turner, and/or the One Ring (a replica, please, we don’t need that kind of trouble).

8. The writer shall have access to fuzzy socks at all times.

9. The writer shall not wear makeup while writing, lest she be driven to tears after killing a favorite character or rereading a particularly bad section of prose. The writer must not waste time rinsing mascara out of her eyes.

10. If human interaction is anticipated (food delivery, UPS, landlord checking to make sure you’re still alive after not seeing you for several days, that guy next door who keeps getting your mail), you may find it handy to keep a wool cap and some thick-framed glasses nearby in order to support the claim that you are, in fact, writing. Also, make sure to remove the One Ring before answering the door.

Other writing attire ideas? Add ‘em in the comments…

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2 Responses to Novelthesis Survival Experiment: The Attire Edition

  1. Sarah Cate says:

    This is fantastic!